How has the new year been for you so far? Did you make and ultimately discard any resolutions? Did you start the year without a person you always expected to be by your side? How do you think 2022 will compare to the past two years?
Where did you find yourself beginning the new year? I found myself alone in a gay bar. After being ghosted by a guy I found myself liking way too quickly and quitting my job in the same week, I had no plans for New Year’s Eve. Why not go explore the outside of my comfort zone? Now, I consider myself an extrovert, but, only if I am surrounded by people I know or am in a familiar situation, like a concert or a party. However, I had never stepped foot into a bar before now. The Bar at 316. Little did I know, it would also be my first drag show.
Disclaimer: Before I get into the details, I would like to state that I am fully vaccinated and had also received my booster shot at this time. I also wore a mask when I was inside. I do not condone partying during a pandemic, but, I do understand how isolation can affect depression and cannot stress enough that if you do go out, you do so safely and responsibly.
The Bar at 316 was full of life. And there I was — sober, stiff, single me, in a sea of incredibly attractive, confident, queer folk. Unfamiliar with the venue, I explored a bit and eventually found myself on the 2nd-floor wrap-around porch. Here I sat for a while just taking everything in. I had a couple of people approach me and talk to me, mostly under the influence, but they were all cool. The crowd was unsurprisingly very young, respectful, non-judgemental. It seemed that everyone was there with a group of friends, though. I just didn’t feel comfortable walking up to someone and striking up a conversation if they were already there with other people.
Flash forward to the countdown: back inside, I tried dancing with the crowd of people but was completely unsure of what I was doing. I did find myself near some cool people with good vibes who encouraged me to loosen up and have fun. The DJ was absolutely amazing. We rang in the new year with a remix of Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way.” It was fun, but the lack of a new year’s kiss or any friends to celebrate with just made it a bit anticlimactic.
I never said this story would be a fun one. In life, I have learned that if you always expect to be mildly disappointed, you will rarely ever be let down.
The last event of the night was a surprise drag show. I wasn’t sure what to expect but was pleasantly surprised by the talent of these drag queens. Dancing around in stilettos on uneven ground is not an easy feat. I soon realized the custom is to tip our queens, and I, being short on cash, left early rather than watching the entire show without tipping. I headed upstairs where I found a group of guys I had seen down at the drag show and decided to strike up a conversation on a whim. They were super sweet and I really hope to go back to the bar with them when I can. They made the night worth it.
Without going into detail, because I do wish to keep some of my life private, the first week of January was just as disappointing. January 1st, I had a panic attack that lasted two hours. My first panic attack in months. Later in the week, I became really sick with some unknown virus that, thankfully, was not Covid. I also met a guy that I really liked and began spending all my time with. Things were great. For about two weeks, I was constantly texting him and seeing him nearly every day, and I was seriously happy. That is no longer the case, and that is all I will say on the matter.
My mom’s birthday was January 12th. Happy birthday, mom. The last thing any mom wants to hear, regardless of whether it’s their birthday or not, is that their kid might be in danger. Sadly, it is an all-too-well-known fact in my generation, that the very school you attend might be one of the least safe places you can find yourself. When people are in an active shooter situation, they text their family members what might be their final goodbyes. As gruesome as it is, I had to text my mom “Mom. There is a suspicious man on campus. We don’t know if he is armed or not. I love you so much!” That’s right — on her birthday.
Wednesday, January 12th, Central Piedmont Community College was put under lockdown when a suspect was located on Central Campus. The way we found out about the lockdown was over the phone and by email. Since I was in class at the time, I did not have my phone ringer on. Neither did anyone else in the class. The professor did not receive a call to the classroom. I checked my email four minutes after the emergency notification had been sent out. I had to be the one to interrupt the lecture and alert the class as to what was going on. Those four minutes could have very well been the crucial moments between life and death. Luckily, no one was harmed. The lockdown lasted just a little over an hour but the suspect was never found. Helicopters were searching from above and police were everywhere. I was just happy to go home.
We are now two weeks into the new year. With the track record thus far, I’m hoping this is just the universe expelling everything negative in order to make way for the better yet to come. I say this, yet I’ve never been a half-glass-full kind of person. I wouldn’t call myself a pessimist, just more of a realist.
2022 Is Just 2020 II
For 62 years I kissed the love of my life at the magic moment. This year I kissed a picture of her. But some day……..